Sexual Violence in Language

During my first month at college, my roommate was deemed the “Flo Ho” [Floor Ho]. She was in a monogamous relationship with a guy that lasted for almost two years. In the meantime, when I joined a conversation with my guy friends I would often be cut off by them taunting “Blah blah blah, I’m a dirty slut.” Which was odd, considering I had only ever kissed one guy and done nothing more. Throughout the next two years, I tried explaining how this behavior was completely offensive, but nothing worked. I eventually stopped contacting them, frustrated that my opinion seemed to matter less because I am a woman (Wow, as a twenty-something college student it’s hard to realize that I am now a woman and not a teenage girl with no responsibilities. Growing up is kind of scary.)

I soon realized that my friends were not making personal attacks against me, but rather deemed all women to be “sluts” or “hoes” because of their anatomy. Regardless of one’s sexual activity and behavior, merely having a vagina warranted these malicious labels. It’s like that old misogynist “lock and key” metaphor: “a key that opens many locks is great but a lock that takes many key is shitty and full of STDS.” I also have female peers to liberally throw around terms like: “Come on you sluts, let’s get some food.” I really do not understand how this is acceptable. Apparently our progressive society that is overcoming a racist past is still clinging to sexism and misogyny?

Another phrase that makes me twinge is using “rape” in relation to academics: “Oh man, that test raped me.” NO IT DIDN’T! It was really difficult and might have lowered your grade, but it certainly did not physically rape and traumatize you. From a linguistic approach, the more people who use “rape” for situations outside of sexual violence, the less power it has for victims. A comparison might be in the word “Nazi.” Now many people, including myself, use “Nazi” to mean any person who is particularly unpleasant, demanding, or severe. I would imagine that in the years immediately following the Holocaust, no one was using “Nazi” so liberally. Considering “rape” was almost too taboo to say in the early twentieth century, it would be quite concerning if the word “rape” lost all of its significance.

I’m also bothered by some of the disgusting phrases that allude to sex, such as: “Dude, tonight I’m going to get my dick wet.” Not only is this simply gross, but it leaves women out of the occasion. Women are no longer valuable human beings, they are a penis depository.

The normalization of sexual violence in language is a huge problem in society and has severe negative repercussions. While many people say they’re joking, normalizing this phrases and words does have an impact. In sociology class last winter we watched a documentary on hip-hop culture and one of the scenes involved a convention. As it was on the beach, many women were wearing swimsuits, shorts, and skirts. Many of the men groped passing women, even hugging them tightly against their will. Because these women were dressed in a sexy manner, one man explained, “The hoes love attention.” When asked if he would want a random man doing this to his mother or sister, the man grew quiet and looked down. The first step to stopping sexual violence against women lies in our language.

I don’t know how to end this post, so here’s a picture that represents the vibe in my freshman friend group.

[freeiphone4wallpapers.com]